


the nights are so long without you

by likeanchors



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Ancient History, Deities, F/F, Other, vague history at that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:43:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2099487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeanchors/pseuds/likeanchors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there are seven thousand faces camped at the edge of the lake and spanning miles to the north but nick can feel it in his gut. he’s here, somewhere amongst the chaos. the boy he’s walked half the world for is here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the nights are so long without you

**Author's Note:**

> this is for [priscilla](http://rodneywaber.tumblr.com/). this is the first fully written snippet in our deity au that we've been messaging one another about forever and a day (so, since january?). i don't know if the fic will ever see the light of day, but i like one shots of back story to pad it out with for now and it's the closest thing to a present that i could manage.
> 
> scilla, i'm so sorry this wasn't finished in time for your birthday. to be fair, i'm useless at the best of times as it is.

nick stands atop a sand dune, hand shielding his eyes as he blinks against the brightness. the sand is reflecting the light of the sun so that he’s near blinded. he has no idea where he is. somewhere between the damascus and lygos, he supposes. on the horizon there are shapes which may or may not be the invading army that he’s here to join in the loosest sense of the word imaginable. or else he’s dehydrated and his mind is playing tricks on him.

 

there’s a reason he’s here though, somewhere in this unforgiving desert . there really is. it’s the same reason he wakes up every morning and puts one foot in front of the other. 

 

he’s not sure how to explain it or if he ever could. how he can even begin to articulate the burning need that sits somewhere between his bellybutton and his heart. the something in the ether that keeps pushing and pushing at him, until he feels short of breath and like he’s run a mile across the desert sands. 

 

nick had had recurring dreams when he was a child. something he eventually came to know were actually memories of another life, of several other lives; knowledgethat were as comforting as it was distressing. there were faces, ever changing, that he always knew without really knowing. names that came, unbidden, and whispered off the tip of his tongue like ghosts in the middle of the night. names that were whispered like desperate prayers.

 

his mother had tried to ward off what she called demons, insisting that he was possessed. talismans and sigils were painted on walls and strewn about their small home that were supposed to stop the dreams. the local shaman had come to fix nick when he was seven, nick quickly learned to stop speaking of the dreams. keeping his secret friends who only he knew close to his heart until he was old enough to leave.

 

he’s nineteen now and he’s wandered half the earth since he left home but so far he had only found harry in massalia two years back. 

 

time seemed to stand still, when he'd seen him, and accelerate as memories assaulted nick and harry both. the endless stream of chatter and excitement at being reunited fueling their until the two of them were so very drunk and were asked to leave the inn they were to stay in. 

 

nick had discovered that harry, too, was searching for the others. that it’s a constant in every life, that they’re always searching for each other but never allowed to stay together for too long. harry also lets on that he’d seen zain in basra a year earlier but was yet to see any of the others. nick had been wandering for four years and had only just found harry. 

 

harry had left four days later, their presence in the port bought too much attention for them to be safe. 

 

“we’ll see each other soon,” harry had whispered, his nose tucked into nick’s neck. “you’ll feel it in your stomach, see it in your dreams. we’ll all be together soon.”

 

**

 

they’re two regiments strong, camped on the banks of lake tiberias. nick has been told that they’re due to march on jerusalem before the new moon. 

 

nick plans to be long gone by then. he has no desire to be caught up in someone else's war.

 

there are approximately seven thousand faces. young faces, old faces. faces marred by years of conflict and the things they’ve seen. faces bright with naïve anticipation and restlessness. there are seven thousand faces camped at the edge of the lake and spanning miles to the north but nick can feel it in his gut. he’s here, somewhere amongst the chaos. the boy he’s walked half the world for is here.

 

**

 

nick finds niall three days later. niall is playing card games with a group of boys from a small village nearby, dates and figs pushed to the centre as what nick can only guess are substitute betting chips.

 

he’s changed, niall has. 

 

that is the constant in their lives, nick has come to realise. they always change but they always find each other.

 

out of nowhere niall shouts an ancient name, one that stirs something in nick’s gut and mind. they quickly become a tangle of limbs and happy exclamations, much to the dismay of the boys who take the fruits and scatter when they realise niall’s attention has been taken.

 

“i knew it,” niall whispers, his arms tight around nick’s shoulders. 

 

niall tells him about the time he saw louis in bohemia three years past and zain last year, too, somewhere close to abyssinia. he describes the boys in painful detail before nick follows suit and tells him about harry and massalia. 

 

“they’re here,” niall says, quietly. “i can feel them just as surely as i can feel you.”

 

nick smiles and scratches at the back of his neck. he’s felt it too. there’s something in the air, something that tugs at his insides and makes him restless with nervous energy. 

 

he’s been wandering for near on five years and it feels like it’s all about to come to a head.

 

**

 

niall sticks with him after that. they spend a week fletching arrows and discussing their options. nick doesn’t want to fight, that much is true. he came here to find someone, not to assist in some dispute he couldn’t even begin to understand. 

 

the entire camp is restless, though, and it puts nick on edge. while he can feel the energy that makes up the people he’s desperately searching for, there’s something else, imminent, on the horizon that’s making everyone a little crazy.

 

when nick catches the tip of his thumb on the knife, niall pulls him away. 

 

after tending to the wound, superficial at best but a delightful excuse to get away, they walk through the camp side by side.

 

nick feels it in his chest. the vice like sensation that is gripping at his ribs and pushing at them until he’s short of breath. his entire body is trembling as he forces himself to put one foot in front of the other. 

 

sound distorts and time slows down and nick knows what’s happening before his brain can even comprehend it.

 

niall’s excited chatter seems like white noise and nick feels like he’s drowning and buoyed at the same time.

 

“finally,” nick whispers to himself more than anything. it sounds slowed down and nick wonders, briefly, if anyone else feels like the world has just tilted.

 

he’s there. flanked by harry and someone who nick instantly recognises as zain. he’s there and he’s smiling. for a moment nick see’s flashes of all the faces louis has worn. 

 

sound rushes, surrounding nick and momentarily he’s dizzy with being thrown into the present.

 

niall has thrown himself bodily into the others, they’re a tangle of arms and legs and happy sounds. nick’s heart feels light and he feels whole for the first time in this life.

 

**

 

there’s a camp fire that’s lighting up the sharp angles of louis’ face. he’s pressed tight to nick’s side, where he’s been for the last fewhours. they’ve barely said a word, niall and harry and zain making up for their lack of conversation. in the distance they can hear the murmur of the camp and the gentle splash of the water hitting the shore mingling with the gentle hum of zain’s voice as he tells them about his life to date.

 

they do this every life when they’re finally together. they spend a night, a week, just reveling in this unbearable delight of wholeness, talking about everything and nothing. it’s been thousands of years but it’s still the same, the comfort that comes from just belonging. from being able to fall back into familiar patterns as if nothing has happened.

 

they’re all so young in this life. they’re barely men, really.

 

louis drags the tips of his fingers across the back of nick’s hand and he see’s the quirk of louis’s lips out of the corner of his eye.

 

nick would never, ever be able to describe the feeling it elicits. the spark of frenetic energy that mingles with longing and sorrow and unfathomable happiness.

 

nick has lived through hundreds of lives for a moment like this. just one touch, one word, one look in his direction is all he needs, though he craves more. so much more.

 

dropping his head to rest it on louis’s shoulder, nick lets loose the sigh that’s been sitting in his lungs for hours now. already his heart aches, knowing how precious and limited this precious, precious time is.

 

harry meets his eye over the low flames and there’s a sad smile on his lips. 

 

nick has lived so many lives in search of his true half, in search of louis, but harry has never found his true half. 

 

a dozen lifetimes ago zain had told him that harry’s half had died, or was yet to be born. their soul somewhere out there yet to take on a physical form. it was the same for niall and zain too. nick had held louis tighter that night, breathed him in and hoped that they could have just one more day together.

 

nick knows there was one life where they had been near inseparable. it was back in the beginning and so many lifetimes ago that nick can barely remember it. all he remembers is the wholeness, the same feeling that washes over him when he sees louis for the first time every lifetime. that first life was the only one that hadn’t been accompanied by the unwavering ache of longing and loneliness. the pain of being permanently separated from half of yourself.

 

“stop thinking,” louis murmurs. his fingers are laced in nick’s now and it feels perfect, so, so perfect and right.

 

nick lifts his head and louis is looking at him now. nick can see the same thoughts and the same fears reflected back at him. they have days, weeks at best, together. the boys will drift off first, like they always do, leaving the two of them so that they have more time together. 

 

nick’s plan is to travel. if they can find somewhere remote, somewhere secluded maybe they can live out this life together.

 

louis shakes his head and nick feels his gut tighten. 

 

“why,” zain asks, there’s a heavy note of weariness and cautiousness in his tone. “why do you think this keeps happening? why are we constantly searching for each other but never allowed to stay together?”

 

he looks so small and sad, sandwiched between niall and harry who are both so broad it borders on comical. both boys wrap an arm around zain’s shoulder. there’s an air of desperation around their little camp fire that feels toxic and cloying.

 

“do you remember the first life?” louis asks softly like he’s testing the waters. his eyes dart around, meeting with all of them before he turns his head to look up at nick. he squints as if he’s trying to focus on something. “there was something, someone, there’s a reason.” louis turns his body into nick’s as if he’s hiding before whispering, “we’ve just forgotten.”

 

that sits heavy over all of them. they sit and stare at the flames until they’re reduced to embers and all of them are so tired their limbs are heavy.

 

reluctantly they make their way to the tents they’ve erected, far enough away from the main camp that they’re afforded a modicum of privacy without drawing too much attention to themselves. that’s the key to getting as much time as possible together;not drawing attention to themselves.

 

louis falls amongst the make shift bed without preamble, his limbs skewed. nick feels his heart stutter in his chest. falling to his knees beside louis, nick curls up around him. 

 

if nick could describe perfection he would describe this moment. the utter relief and beauty of being twined with louis away from prying eyes even if just in sleep. 

 

pressing his hand to louis’s cheek, nick takes a deep breath and commits this face to memory. it sits proudly amongst the thousands of faces louis has worn and nick has loved.

 

closing his eyes, reluctantly, nick holds louis closer and hopes for longer than tomorrow.

 

 


End file.
